Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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