it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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