I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Someone came in the potted fern
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
