I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
