I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
