I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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