That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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