please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
