his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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