One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my shit smells like andre
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
