I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
