the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
