Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
His hands were made for my vagina.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
