I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
