forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
