The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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