I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
