I am puke
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
