it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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