The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
