I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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