So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
