Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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