At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
