I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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