i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
as a side note pls kill me
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
