It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
