She went from zero to smokin in five shots
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
