i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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