nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
