sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
