Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
