I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
