dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
