Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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