Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
