just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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