I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
