I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dignity is for republicans.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh god it's open bar.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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