dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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