Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
