So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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