Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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