I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
