two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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