Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
