I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm too high and old for this...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
