you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
