Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
