Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
