i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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