I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
